Harder than I thought

Well, Brent kind of stole my blog topic today. I got a phone call from him around 7:45 this morning. Since he had the phone installed in his office we were able to talk for about 45 minutes. We mainly just chatted about the normal things. I'm still trying to get things straightened around with insurance & the like since our marriage. I've also been working on the financial end of things. We get reduced interest rates & some bonuses & grants since Brent is in a war zone. Some places bend over backwards to help us out, while others do whatever they can to squeeze as much out of us as they can-Much like the climate in every day life. Mostly great support, but a few ignorant people who have no clue! I've spent some time lately working out our budget to pay off as much as possible while Brent is gone so we can start the process of building our dream home right away when he gets back.We've already picked out our floor plans & I occupy my free time with planning & decorating the house we don't have yet. LOL
Brent said in his blog today that I've been having a rough time & he's right in the fact that I would share that with anyone who cared to ask. I honestly didn't think things would be so hard. I mean, I've been a single parent before. Even when I was married before I ran the household. I didn't want or need help. I knew I would miss Brent. I just was not expecting this horrible hollow feeling or the sense that I've completely lost my way. I guess that the reason I'm feeling this so deeply is that I was taught from an early age not to acknowledge my feelings. Add to that the expectation in my line of work to be "tough" (more so for a female trying to prove herself) & you have a time bomb.Over the last 2 years I have slowly begun learning that ignoring the feelings only puts them off so they all crash down at once. I've had that happen before & it nearly cost me everything. So, yes, I'm having a very rough time. And yes, I miss my husband & best friend terribly. But, I also know that this is temporary & we have a whole lot of ups & downs on this roller coaster. As long as I have Brent to cling to I know it will be a blast!