"Girly Toughness"

So, a few minutes ago I get a message from Brent on my Blackberry that he had checked my blog and it made him lol. He said that the title and picture were great. I'm sure glad he thought so. I was a little apprehensive. I had chosen what I thought was a "girly" layout and then there I went putting a picture like that on it.

When we first discussed the blogging thing Brent wenr with his title of "A Soldier's Story," which to me sounds deep and poetic. It gives me goosebumps just typing it. He had suggested that I join to keep him informed of life at home and could use something to the effect of "Life of a Soldier's Wife." This was actually the title of my blog for the first few days. But, other than the fact that I giggle at getting to call myself his wife, the title didn't work for me. It took me a few days to figure out that it was just too simplistic for me. I was so much more than that.

Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with "just" being an Army wife. There is no "just" to it. But, I am so NOT that way. And maybe it's me looking at the all too perfect movie type military officer's wife, dutifully taking care of the other wives, raising perfect children, and just being so brave and stoic. I know that this version of person only exists in movies. Because the reality is that real life happens to mess that all up.

But, other than the fact that I do not live on a base and have no other wives to take care of, I also live such a non-traditional life. While we were on the cruise we met a couple and were discussing Brent's pending deployment. (It came up a lot, mainly because I am so proud of him. You'd think I'd know better since I hate being introduced as Micca, the cop.) At one point the conversation turned to my occupation. I explained what I do. The woman looked at me and said, "And you're worried about him?" That really got me thinking.

Every night Brent gives me a kiss good bye and sends me out into the night not knowing if I'll make it back. Now, we don't live in Chicago or New York City, but things DO happen, even in Tazewell county. And, generally, the most dangerous part of Brent's work right now is the hour and a half commute every day. (I've taken the "drive careful" speech to a new level, just ask him.) I guess I just never paid that much attention to how what I've chosen to do for a career affects my love interests.

My position has always been, this is what I do. If you can't handle it, too bad. And that's why Brent and I have gotten along so well. I understand that he loves the military. Maybe not every little thing that goes on, but over all, it's what he Needs to do to make him happy. And he understands the same about me. So, while I'm not happy about him leaving, I understand that this is the oppurtunity to do the 1% that keeps us going in our professions.

All right, back to the "girly toughness." I guess it's to prove that I'm just that. Complicated. And I don't think Brent would have it any other way.